Let Them Be Dad

Its time to celebrate dad!

We’ve all seen the dad memes. Memes about kids tearing down walls to get to mom when dad is sitting in the other room, or jokes about the siren call of the bathroom that men hear when mom pulls up with a trunk full of groceries. How many articles have we read about dads who can’t handle the most basic parts of the day that  moms do blindfolded? They are all over the internet and it’s part of mom culture to gripe about stupid things dads do.

Let’s be honest, it’s the international pastime of women to be baffled by men, but there’s a whole other level of HUH?? when those men produce children.

Men: can’t live with them….

It is silly and harmless, but in the spirit of Father’s Day, let’s give dads a break. Only a small one, though. That siren call is no joke in my house.

Before I had Hayden, I started noticing how some other moms would react to their partners regarding their kids. When dad changes a diaper, mom immediately snaps that he is doing it wrong. When dad makes dinner, mom jumps all over him that it’s not the right meal and then makes it herself. Dads gets the kiddos dressed, and mom complains that it’s not the right outfit. How many times do we complain “I wish he would just do it and not wait to be asked”? So when dad takes some initiative and jumps in, why do we then complain about how it’s done?!

We all know that mom’s way is the BEST way (#duh), but it’s not the only way. We need to start giving our partners more credit. If we aren’t the one doing it, we can LET IT GO! And I’m type-shouting at myself here. I definitely go through phases of being mega pissed that a task isn’t done if I don’t do it, while simultaneously being mega pissed when said task wasn’t done my way.

News flash Naomi, I can’t have it both ways.

I can either take the break and appreciate it, or do it myself. Some jobs I prefer to do because I know that it’ll drive me crazy if it’s not done a certain way. With other jobs, however, I’m just happy that I didn’t have to do it myself. Does it really matter how it gets done as long as it’s done (or not) when the day is over? I would be LIVID if my husband gave me a hard time for taking it easy on myself and giving H a PB&J for dinner. And I’m pretty positive my head would explode if I ever heard “why isn’t the kitchen clean?” Like mushroom-cloud level explosion. So is it really fair when I do that to him?

Now, obviously, there needs to be equal parts good cop/bad cop between parents. When mom pushes vegetables, while dad sticks with pizza, it definitely puts us in a “mom=mean dad=fun” situation. That’s not fair to us and should be part of a larger conversation, but we can cut dad some slack. Would we have chosen to have kids with our partners if we didn’t trust them?

Ultimately, we are a team when it comes to parenting and we only make things harder on ourselves when we cut dad off at the knees by undermining every thing he does.

And what does that teach our children? If every interaction a kid sees involves mom being snarky about dad doing something else wrong, why will they ever turn to dad? We put so much pressure on ourselves when we take on all the responsibility. If at the end of the day, the kids are happy, healthy, and content, our jobs as parents are done. My husband is obsessed with Hayden and H lights up when Chris walks into the room. They are best buds and that will only grow stronger as Hayden gets older. Who am I to knock down that pedestal by discrediting the decisions that Chris makes? That’s not fair to any of us.

I love telling my friends a good “Chris did something dumb” story, but I can make a better effort in acknowledging all the good things too, because there are just as many of those. But I still hate that ***ing siren call.

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